1
00:01:07,805 --> 00:01:10,365
It's got to be in the middle,
the middle, you metal moron.

2
00:01:10,365 --> 00:01:13,645
Look, this is my Vending Machine
Maintenance Man Of The Month

3
00:01:13,645 --> 00:01:17,545
certificate we are reframing here,
my one and only Mr April.

4
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,405
There's no room for sloppiness.

5
00:01:19,405 --> 00:01:21,625
And take that look
off your face for a start.

6
00:01:30,044 --> 00:01:31,604
Where's Kryten? I need him.

7
00:01:31,604 --> 00:01:33,504
He's on holiday.

8
00:01:33,504 --> 00:01:36,044
Holiday?
- Yeah. A week off, no duties.

9
00:01:36,044 --> 00:01:39,324
I thought he needed it. Lister,
Kryten is a mechanoid, a machine.

10
00:01:39,324 --> 00:01:41,424
Machines don't go on holiday.

11
00:01:41,424 --> 00:01:44,064
Who's next? The egg whisk?
Two weeks in Mauritius?

12
00:01:44,064 --> 00:01:46,844
Booked him and your electric
toothbrush a double room?

13
00:01:46,844 --> 00:01:49,204
He was tired. Tired?

14
00:01:49,204 --> 00:01:51,384
What was it? Metal fatigue?

15
00:01:51,384 --> 00:01:53,044
Holiday!

16
00:01:53,044 --> 00:01:55,124
Where's he gone?

17
00:01:55,124 --> 00:01:57,264
Broom cupboard on V deck.

18
00:01:57,264 --> 00:02:02,264
Really nice shelf. V deck? Why not
B deck or C deck, somewhere close?

19
00:02:02,264 --> 00:02:05,404
He wanted to travel.
Didn't you read his postcard?

20
00:02:05,404 --> 00:02:07,764
He's loving it. Taken his feet off,

21
00:02:07,764 --> 00:02:09,304
unscrewed his head,

22
00:02:09,304 --> 00:02:12,324
eyes bobbing about
in a bowl of lens cleaner.

23
00:02:12,324 --> 00:02:14,004
He's having the time of his life.

24
00:02:24,124 --> 00:02:25,644
Tomatoes?

25
00:02:25,644 --> 00:02:27,304
Supply decks.

26
00:02:27,304 --> 00:02:30,224
200 floors.
It took me ages to get these.

27
00:02:30,224 --> 00:02:33,744
I smegging hate tomatoes -
taste, texture, ugh.

28
00:02:38,624 --> 00:02:41,684
Don't know why
I put myself through it.

29
00:02:41,684 --> 00:02:46,724
Lister, why do you eat tomatoes
when you don't like them? There's
plenty of other things to eat.

30
00:02:46,724 --> 00:02:48,764
It's got to be tomatoes, man.

31
00:02:48,764 --> 00:02:50,344
Only thing I'm allergic to.

32
00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:54,524
Why do you want to eat something
you're allergic to?

33
00:02:54,524 --> 00:02:59,564
According to the read-outs,
we're down to our last water tank.
only G deck left. I'm saving water.

34
00:02:59,564 --> 00:03:03,784
Have you ever been to G deck?
Seen the water tank?
There's loads of water left.

35
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,944
So how come only a trickle's
coming out of the taps, then?

36
00:03:09,324 --> 00:03:12,404
How does eating tomatoes save water?

37
00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:13,864
It's coming.

38
00:03:19,064 --> 00:03:22,564
Don't suppose you want
any ironing doing, do you?

39
00:03:23,724 --> 00:03:25,764
I get it.

40
00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,784
I get it.

41
00:03:27,784 --> 00:03:31,024
I love it when it makes
that squish sound, don't you?

42
00:03:31,024 --> 00:03:33,724
You've spent hours
planning this, haven't you?

43
00:03:33,724 --> 00:03:36,604
Hours, this wind-up.

44
00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:38,444
Because that's exactly what it is.

45
00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:43,384
Going down to the supply decks,
trawling through the crates,
getting half hysterical

46
00:03:43,384 --> 00:03:47,164
at the thought of my face
as you start to iron your sneezes.

47
00:03:47,164 --> 00:03:49,364
Was it really worth it, Listy?

48
00:03:49,364 --> 00:03:54,424
Hours and hours and hours
of planning
for eight seconds of pleasure?

49
00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:57,384
Sounds like the last time
you had sex.

50
00:03:58,484 --> 00:04:01,504
Lister, you need to get a life.

51
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:14,204
Level.

52
00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:15,564
Level.

53
00:04:18,644 --> 00:04:20,184
Level.

54
00:04:21,224 --> 00:04:22,464
Level.

55
00:04:22,464 --> 00:04:25,224
Close.

56
00:04:30,844 --> 00:04:33,364
Not level.

57
00:05:15,944 --> 00:05:18,464
I thought I'd read you another book.

58
00:05:18,464 --> 00:05:21,364
It's one of those stupid ones
you used to really like.

59
00:05:22,924 --> 00:05:25,844
Jane Oostin?

60
00:05:25,844 --> 00:05:27,524
Austin?

61
00:05:27,524 --> 00:05:29,504
Orsdon?

62
00:05:29,504 --> 00:05:31,584
I'm not quite sure
how you pronounce it.

63
00:05:33,164 --> 00:05:35,084
Sense And Sensibility.

64
00:05:37,144 --> 00:05:39,644
Pray to God there's some
car chases in this one.

65
00:05:43,684 --> 00:05:48,384
"The family of Dashwood had
long been settled in Sussex."

66
00:05:58,644 --> 00:06:00,404
Ow!

67
00:06:02,324 --> 00:06:04,204
What happened to you?

68
00:06:04,204 --> 00:06:05,884
You got a minute?

69
00:06:09,964 --> 00:06:11,864
Tell him.

70
00:06:11,864 --> 00:06:16,404
I'm walking through the cargo deck,
right, minding my own damn business

71
00:06:16,404 --> 00:06:19,384
when all of a sudden...
You know that big tank on G deck?

72
00:06:19,384 --> 00:06:21,504
He means the water tank.

73
00:06:21,504 --> 00:06:26,364
Suddenly there's a disturbance
on the surface of the tank and...

74
00:06:27,684 --> 00:06:29,564
..whoosh...

75
00:06:29,564 --> 00:06:33,484
this massive testicle
shoots up out of the water
and grabs me by the throat.

76
00:06:33,484 --> 00:06:36,124
He means "tentacle". I hope so.

77
00:06:36,124 --> 00:06:41,864
Before I know it,
I'm flying through the air,
being waved about from side to side.

78
00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:45,684
I'm shouting, I'm screaming,
because this thing, whatever it is,

79
00:06:45,684 --> 00:06:47,884
is absolutely ruining my hair.

80
00:06:47,884 --> 00:06:53,104
Next thing I know,
it pulls me down into the icy waters
and I'm shouting and screaming again

81
00:06:53,104 --> 00:06:57,184
because everything I'm wearing
is Dry Clean Only.

82
00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:00,204
Suddenly, I'm staring
at this big eye.

83
00:07:00,204 --> 00:07:02,644
It's about THIS big.

84
00:07:02,644 --> 00:07:05,164
No, this big.

85
00:07:05,164 --> 00:07:07,744
No, this big. Man, it was just...

86
00:07:07,744 --> 00:07:10,404
Oh, what's the right word?

87
00:07:10,404 --> 00:07:12,724
Big? Exactly.

88
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:19,724
And then the beast - because that's
what it is - opens its mouth and I
realised that's where I'm heading.

89
00:07:19,724 --> 00:07:26,824
So I combed my hair and fainted.
Came to, I'm on the floor by the side
of the tank, no sign of the creature.

90
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:31,444
Ooh, I need counselling.

91
00:07:31,444 --> 00:07:33,204
You've got that right.

92
00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:35,124
So where did it go?

93
00:07:35,124 --> 00:07:37,904
It didn't say,
and it didn't leave a note.

94
00:07:37,904 --> 00:07:40,164
This is so weird.
It's not THAT weird.

95
00:07:40,164 --> 00:07:42,024
Probably can't even write.

96
00:07:42,024 --> 00:07:44,884
How'd it even hold a pen
with its big testicle?

97
00:07:44,884 --> 00:07:48,804
It's slithered back
into the water tank, hasn't it?
But a sea monster?

98
00:07:48,804 --> 00:07:51,244
In the water tank? That's not right.

99
00:07:51,244 --> 00:07:53,324
We're in deep space.

100
00:07:53,324 --> 00:07:57,484
# Holiday, celebrate, holiday... #

101
00:07:57,484 --> 00:08:01,464
Hey!
Surf boy is back from Broomtown.

102
00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:03,484
What a vacation, sirs.

103
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:07,624
I can't remember the last time I
was so relaxed and utterly carefree.

104
00:08:07,624 --> 00:08:10,424
There's a big monster
in the water tank. Oh, my gosh!

105
00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:13,144
That's why we're down on water.
We're down on water?

106
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:16,564
Yeah, and without water, me
and the Cat are going to die. Yeah.

107
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,224
It's a disaster! Oh, my back!

108
00:08:19,224 --> 00:08:22,924
I'm one giant tension knot.
Someone pummel my diodes.

109
00:08:22,924 --> 00:08:28,544
Hey, this thing, whatever it is,
it's messing with the supply
thingy pipe stuff thing, isn't it?

110
00:08:28,544 --> 00:08:31,284
Please, we're laymen.
Spare us the plumbing jargon.

111
00:08:31,284 --> 00:08:35,164
The point is, we've got
to get in there and whack it.
Fritter the critter.

112
00:08:35,164 --> 00:08:37,584
Kill it?! No way!

113
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:41,604
We should capture this sucker, force
it to pay my dry-cleaning bills.

114
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:46,064
The point is, how DO we kill it?
We can't suck it out of an
air lock. We'll lose the water.

115
00:08:46,064 --> 00:08:50,124
We can't mickey the water.
We'd pollute the drinking supply.

116
00:08:50,124 --> 00:08:52,104
No choice.

117
00:08:52,104 --> 00:08:54,344
We're going to have to go in,
get it.

118
00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:56,944
Serious? We're going to need
a diving bell,

119
00:08:56,944 --> 00:08:59,684
the kind with grade-one
reinforced titanium ribs.

120
00:08:59,684 --> 00:09:04,364
We're going to need diving suits,
bazookoids, mini-grenades,
laser-lancer, blasters.

121
00:09:04,364 --> 00:09:08,344
And we're going to need
something good for me to read
while you're all down there.

122
00:09:08,344 --> 00:09:11,744
Classic Car Monthly or something.
You're not coming down with us?

123
00:09:11,744 --> 00:09:13,944
In spirit,
I'll be down there with you.

124
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:16,264
In actuality,
I'll be reading a car mag.

125
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,924
Well, I'd better
start packing, then.

126
00:09:18,924 --> 00:09:21,344
Oh, I already AM packed!

127
00:09:22,724 --> 00:09:25,324
Don't look at me, I ain't going.

128
00:09:25,324 --> 00:09:27,724
I'm still in trauma. Look at my suit.

129
00:09:27,724 --> 00:09:29,544
It may not pull through.

130
00:09:29,544 --> 00:09:31,804
Find another suit. You're going.

131
00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,524
Hey, I'm a cat.

132
00:09:33,524 --> 00:09:35,884
Nobody bosses Mr C around, buddy.

133
00:09:35,884 --> 00:09:38,024
You got that, monkey boy?

134
00:09:38,024 --> 00:09:42,804
Or should I explain it one more time
for your small monkey brain?

135
00:09:42,804 --> 00:09:44,624
How would you like it

136
00:09:44,624 --> 00:09:51,124
if I flushed the entire ship's
supply of tuna out of an airlock?

137
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,844
When are we leaving? You packed?

138
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,384
Come on, let me help you, man.

139
00:09:55,384 --> 00:09:57,444
Come on, get going.
We go in two minutes.

140
00:09:57,444 --> 00:09:59,264
Two minutes? Two minutes?

141
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:02,624
I need to make myself
look sensational.

142
00:10:02,624 --> 00:10:06,724
Make it three. And don't wear
nothing lilac or we'll clash!

143
00:10:06,724 --> 00:10:08,964
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ow-ee!

144
00:10:18,337 --> 00:10:20,057
We're hitting the water, Rimmer.

145
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,417
What? Oh, yeah.

146
00:10:26,157 --> 00:10:29,597
Hey, there's something out there.
Where? I saw something moving.

147
00:10:29,597 --> 00:10:33,257
My bowels, if you keep
shouting like that. Oh.

148
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,797
It's gone. It's gone.

149
00:10:37,677 --> 00:10:39,717
Rimmer, check the sonar.

150
00:10:39,717 --> 00:10:45,537
Did you know that of all the Jensen
Interceptors ever built, only 23
have the manual four-speed box?

151
00:10:45,537 --> 00:10:47,917
It's amazing. 'Rimmer, the sonar!

152
00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:51,257
'Check it, you smegger!'
Is there anything down here with us?

153
00:10:51,257 --> 00:10:52,897
What? No.

154
00:10:52,897 --> 00:10:54,937
It's all clear, it's fine, good.

155
00:10:54,937 --> 00:10:59,897
Get this, listen.
"The four-wheel drive, the FF,
identified by a measly

156
00:10:59,897 --> 00:11:04,497
"four-inch stretch in the
wheelbase, had ABS in 1966."
How mad is that?

157
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,037
I saw something! I saw something.

158
00:11:07,037 --> 00:11:08,537
I definitely saw something.

159
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,577
Oops.

160
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:20,417
Er, chaps...bit of an update.

161
00:11:20,417 --> 00:11:24,577
There appears to be something bigger
than God heading straight for you.

162
00:11:24,577 --> 00:11:29,217
What is it?! How do I know?
It's not like a commercial airliner
with writing down the side.

163
00:11:29,217 --> 00:11:31,617
Well, do something.
Get us out of here.

164
00:11:31,617 --> 00:11:33,217
Can't. Too scared.

165
00:11:33,217 --> 00:11:35,297
Can't. Look at my hands.

166
00:11:35,297 --> 00:11:38,917
YOU'RE scared?!
But you're not even down here.
You're safe.

167
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:43,237
Safe? I'm not safe from having to
sit here and watch my sonar screen

168
00:11:43,237 --> 00:11:45,557
get covered in your
gloopy insides, am I?

169
00:11:45,557 --> 00:11:48,717
'I'm not safe from seeing
those terrible pictures in my head

170
00:11:48,717 --> 00:11:51,437
'of you being eaten alive and never
being able to get rid of them.

171
00:11:51,437 --> 00:11:54,797
'You just think about you, don't
you? It's always you with you!'

172
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:58,657
Sir, I've changed my eyeballs three
times and I can't see anything.

173
00:11:58,657 --> 00:12:01,177
Are you sure you're not mistaken?

174
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,237
Gone.

175
00:12:06,237 --> 00:12:08,937
'It must have been
a speck on the sonar.'

176
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,897
Relax. As you were.

177
00:12:22,377 --> 00:12:23,377
Oh, my God.

178
00:12:45,577 --> 00:12:46,617
What was that?

179
00:12:46,617 --> 00:12:48,777
It's gone!

180
00:12:48,777 --> 00:12:50,317
No, sir.

181
00:12:50,317 --> 00:12:55,577
It's underneath us. If we're really
quiet, it might think we're a rock.

182
00:12:59,037 --> 00:13:05,597
(Rimmer, pull us up,
slowly and quietly.)

183
00:13:11,117 --> 00:13:15,657
(Rimmer, are...you...
rea...ding...me?!)

184
00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:22,957
(Sir, can...you...hear...us?!)

185
00:13:24,617 --> 00:13:26,577
Wait, what's that?

186
00:13:27,797 --> 00:13:28,857
I can't see anything!

187
00:13:36,397 --> 00:13:38,577
Will you keep the noise down
back there?!

188
00:13:38,577 --> 00:13:40,777
Can't you see I'm looking for squid?!

189
00:13:45,017 --> 00:13:46,857
I still can't see it...

190
00:13:57,317 --> 00:13:59,797
Sir, may I make one tiny suggestion?

191
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,037
Releasing a firearm
in a confined titanium steel box

192
00:14:04,037 --> 00:14:06,617
may not be a good mix
with human tissue.

193
00:14:22,097 --> 00:14:23,657
Oh, my God!

194
00:14:25,357 --> 00:14:27,457
Hang on,
I'm getting you out of there.

195
00:14:27,457 --> 00:14:29,757
Rimmer to the rescue, as per usual.

196
00:14:29,757 --> 00:14:32,297
What would these
clowns do without me, eh?

197
00:14:32,297 --> 00:14:35,817
Anyone else would probably get a
medal for this, the Eagle of Valour,

198
00:14:35,817 --> 00:14:37,697
the Space Knight's Cross of Honour.

199
00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:39,557
I bet I don't even get a book token.

200
00:14:54,157 --> 00:14:56,957
Two suits in one day, look at me!
Thanks to you,

201
00:14:56,957 --> 00:14:59,517
I couldn't even get on
the cover of Minger Monthly!

202
00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:03,517
You're supposed to be
manning the sonar, Rimmer!

203
00:15:03,517 --> 00:15:05,937
You could have got us all killed!

204
00:15:06,857 --> 00:15:08,677
Is this about you again?

205
00:15:08,677 --> 00:15:12,137
It is, isn't it? Can't you see,
right now I need some me time?

206
00:15:12,137 --> 00:15:13,937
My heart is still hammering.

207
00:15:13,937 --> 00:15:16,737
I don't know how I got through that!
You wasn't even there!

208
00:15:16,737 --> 00:15:18,677
I was NEARLY there.

209
00:15:19,937 --> 00:15:21,537
That's close enough for me.

210
00:15:24,577 --> 00:15:26,437
What the hell was that thing?

211
00:15:26,437 --> 00:15:29,597
Well, some kind of
dimension-migrating leviathan

212
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:32,437
looking for somewhere quiet
to hibernate.

213
00:15:32,437 --> 00:15:34,677
Where better than
the middle of deep space

214
00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:37,537
in a universe where the
human race is virtually extinct?

215
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,897
It's extraordinary.

216
00:15:42,537 --> 00:15:45,237
It's gone! Where? I don't know.

217
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:49,417
Probably to another dimension
to lick its... Wait! Incoming!

218
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:50,457
What's this?

219
00:15:53,697 --> 00:15:54,737
Hmm!

220
00:15:54,737 --> 00:15:55,757
I bid greetings.

221
00:15:56,777 --> 00:15:59,677
My name is Katerina Bartikovsky.

222
00:15:59,677 --> 00:16:02,537
In past, I Red Dwarf's
science officer. Zdravstvuyte!

223
00:16:02,537 --> 00:16:05,557
>From now, I am senior officer.

224
00:16:05,557 --> 00:16:08,717
No longer hologram Arnold Rimmer
who is bit crap.

225
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,637
What?

226
00:16:12,377 --> 00:16:14,817
Look, sir. Confirmed.

227
00:16:14,817 --> 00:16:19,717
Adjustment on command structure
essential if one day Lister
to regenerate human race, huh?

228
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:21,417
Result!

229
00:16:21,417 --> 00:16:23,217
You beauty!

230
00:16:29,877 --> 00:16:32,597
Why does mainframe
computer not function?

231
00:16:32,597 --> 00:16:35,557
Lister left a bath running
in the officers' quarters.

232
00:16:35,557 --> 00:16:38,157
We didn't find out about it
for nearly nine years.

233
00:16:38,157 --> 00:16:41,877
Then one night, it was a Tuesday,
the floor gave way

234
00:16:41,877 --> 00:16:45,177
and nearly two million gallons
of water fell through the ship.

235
00:16:45,177 --> 00:16:46,597
Not a nice way to be woken.

236
00:16:46,597 --> 00:16:48,557
One minute you're lying
in bed snoozing,

237
00:16:48,557 --> 00:16:51,637
the next you're being washed down
a corridor at 80 knots per hour.

238
00:16:51,637 --> 00:16:53,817
The skutters still haven't
finished drying him out.

239
00:16:55,897 --> 00:16:57,797
Have skutters more pressing duties?

240
00:16:57,797 --> 00:17:00,617
Duties that distract
them from these tasks?

241
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:02,437
Is this you? No.

242
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:03,417
Urgh.

243
00:17:04,497 --> 00:17:05,577
The place is a mess.

244
00:17:05,577 --> 00:17:08,017
What has mech been doing? Kryten?

245
00:17:08,017 --> 00:17:10,377
Holiday. Nice shelf on V deck.

246
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,617
My idea. Needed break.

247
00:17:12,617 --> 00:17:14,797
Mechs don't go on holiday.

248
00:17:14,797 --> 00:17:17,037
They are machines.
That's what I said.

249
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:21,037
You were senior officer. It was
duty to ensure efficiency of ship.

250
00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:24,777
How come there are two
holograms active, both hard light?

251
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,957
I thought the ship
could only sustain one.

252
00:17:26,957 --> 00:17:31,217
How does Lister pass time?
Sleeps, annoys me.

253
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,757
Look, if there's one...

254
00:17:32,757 --> 00:17:36,497
Besides sleeping and annoying you,
what else he do?

255
00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:37,857
Gets ready for bed.

256
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,077
And for entertainment?

257
00:17:40,077 --> 00:17:42,017
He irons sneezes.

258
00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:44,097
In fact, if he was an art student,

259
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:46,497
he'd probably be considered
a genius.

260
00:17:46,497 --> 00:17:48,617
Is tragedy.

261
00:17:48,617 --> 00:17:52,017
His body lives but inside he is dead.

262
00:17:52,017 --> 00:17:54,737
This is your fault. You killed him.

263
00:17:54,737 --> 00:17:56,277
What did I do?

264
00:17:56,277 --> 00:18:00,457
You responsible for his life but you
do nothing. You think only of you.

265
00:18:00,457 --> 00:18:04,597
I don't know whether you happened
to notice, but we are in deep space,

266
00:18:04,597 --> 00:18:07,597
where there isn't a whole
hell of a lot to do.

267
00:18:07,597 --> 00:18:11,037
There are only so many times
you can play What's In The Bag?

268
00:18:11,037 --> 00:18:14,117
Fish paste? Lister's trainers?

269
00:18:14,117 --> 00:18:18,077
In my country, we have word
for people like you.

270
00:18:18,077 --> 00:18:20,257
In my country, we have several.

271
00:18:22,337 --> 00:18:24,057
Hey. I've found one.

272
00:18:25,297 --> 00:18:26,917
Mr Lister, please prepare.

273
00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:30,617
You are to be returning home, so we
have possibility to make this happen.

274
00:18:32,617 --> 00:18:33,657
Are you serious?

275
00:18:33,657 --> 00:18:35,657
Of course, I always serious.

276
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,717
Mr Rimmer? Yes.

277
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,237
You have 24 hours
to get your affairs in order,

278
00:18:40,237 --> 00:18:42,817
then you'll be offlined
and your data files erased.

279
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,557
Then your hard drive
will be fired into space

280
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:48,977
and when safe distance from ship,
be detonated by nuclear fusion.

281
00:18:50,237 --> 00:18:52,977
You really don't like me, do you?
I do my job.

282
00:18:52,977 --> 00:18:54,997
And my job is look after him.

283
00:18:54,997 --> 00:18:58,057
Which, sadly, is very
ungroovy news for you, you see?

284
00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:00,137
Dobry vecher.

285
00:19:07,297 --> 00:19:08,937
I hate her.

286
00:19:08,937 --> 00:19:10,577
I like her.

287
00:19:10,577 --> 00:19:12,277
I like her a lot!

288
00:19:16,117 --> 00:19:18,857
She's given me 24 hours
to get my affairs in order

289
00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:20,837
before I'm offlined and trashed.

290
00:19:20,837 --> 00:19:22,957
She's treated me
like a computer virus.

291
00:19:22,957 --> 00:19:26,497
Oh, she's so bright and perceptive,
sir. Such a breath of fresh air.

292
00:19:27,657 --> 00:19:29,317
We all have our Achilles heel.

293
00:19:29,317 --> 00:19:32,117
Find hers.
Start trawling the data, Kryty.

294
00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:35,577
Get me some dirt on her. You
know what I'm talking about, kid?

295
00:19:35,577 --> 00:19:37,317
Ah, Ms Bartikovsky!

296
00:19:37,317 --> 00:19:40,157
Yes, Miss Smegging Bartikovsky.
Get me some dirt on her.

297
00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:43,737
Er, I trust you slept well, Ms.

298
00:19:43,737 --> 00:19:45,757
Not particularly, "Mzz!"

299
00:19:45,757 --> 00:19:47,817
I love it when your voice unit
acts up!

300
00:19:47,817 --> 00:19:50,417
"Mzz, hrr, hrr!"
Right, back to the dirt thing...

301
00:19:50,417 --> 00:19:54,617
Your breasts look
particularly good today, Ms!

302
00:19:54,617 --> 00:19:57,097
My what? My bre... What are you...?

303
00:19:58,457 --> 00:20:00,517
Good morning, Mzz... Miss!

304
00:20:00,517 --> 00:20:01,977
You, follow me.

305
00:20:05,017 --> 00:20:06,617
On my way to Dirtville, sir.

306
00:20:06,617 --> 00:20:08,057
I'll catch you later.

307
00:20:09,217 --> 00:20:10,977
Engage Innocent Whistle Mode.

308
00:20:12,957 --> 00:20:15,957
So, as spoken,
I bring Lister back to life,

309
00:20:15,957 --> 00:20:19,177
restore drive so can
restart human race, yes?

310
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:23,897
And how, pray tell,
do you plan to do that?

311
00:20:23,897 --> 00:20:26,097
Isn't obvious?

312
00:20:26,097 --> 00:20:28,037
You start, I'll join in.

313
00:20:28,037 --> 00:20:31,677
Well, the solution is staring you
in your stupid, fat, ferrety face.

314
00:20:31,677 --> 00:20:34,717
We have tentacle of
dimension-migrating leviathan.

315
00:20:34,717 --> 00:20:37,997
We take, insert into gene reader -
you have several in medi-lab -

316
00:20:37,997 --> 00:20:40,597
and triangulate results with
power surge readings

317
00:20:40,597 --> 00:20:43,817
and temporal displacement residues
recorded in water tank.

318
00:20:43,817 --> 00:20:47,897
We then calculate quantum
algorithm creature produced
to open dimensional membrane,

319
00:20:47,897 --> 00:20:49,277
then we travel multiverse.

320
00:20:49,277 --> 00:20:51,637
Once computed, we have key
to dimensional travel,

321
00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:56,077
transpose calibrations into mining
laser and, bingo jingo, we have
very own dimension cutter.

322
00:20:56,077 --> 00:20:59,077
That is exactly
what I was going to say!

323
00:20:59,077 --> 00:21:02,157
That's so spooky! So, Lister
will travel to new dimension,

324
00:21:02,157 --> 00:21:04,597
bring back mate,
recreate human race, yes?

325
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,717
Word for word
what I was gonna say! Hmm.

326
00:21:57,397 --> 00:22:01,917
No way'll this work. I'll
probably end up with your head,
or someone else's legs.

327
00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:05,257
Something always goes wrong,
I'm not building my hopes up.

328
00:22:07,777 --> 00:22:09,717
And we begin.

329
00:22:21,017 --> 00:22:22,457
# It's cold outside

330
00:22:22,457 --> 00:22:24,057
# There's no kind of atmosphere

331
00:22:24,057 --> 00:22:27,537
# I'm all alone, more or less

332
00:22:27,537 --> 00:22:30,617
# Let me fly far away from here

333
00:22:30,617 --> 00:22:33,657
# Fun, fun, fun

334
00:22:33,657 --> 00:22:37,417
# In the sun, sun, sun

335
00:22:37,417 --> 00:22:39,057
# I want to lie

336
00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:40,617
# Shipwrecked and comatose

337
00:22:40,617 --> 00:22:44,057
# Drinking fresh mango juice

338
00:22:44,057 --> 00:22:47,697
# Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes

339
00:22:47,697 --> 00:22:50,377
# Fun, fun, fun

340
00:22:50,377 --> 00:22:54,177
# In the sun, sun, sun

341
00:22:54,177 --> 00:22:57,137
# Fun, fun, fun

342
00:22:57,137 --> 00:23:00,937
# In the sun, sun, sun. #

343
00:23:02,177 --> 00:23:05,177
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